****Exodia(some assembly required)Sanity Not Included

To anyone who cares

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 01:54:47 GMT

My new journal is wolf_of_sorrows.

Its friends only so if you want to see it (which I guess most of you don't since I haven't got comments from any of you) you need to leave me a comment here so that I can add you.

Interesting....

Mon, 16 Oct 2006 18:55:37 GMT

its always interesting to see, after something dramatic and life altering has happened to you, how many of your friends really give a damn.

Now, before anyone rushes to the front to defend themselves, to those who I speak to exclusively online, you are excused from being in the loop, since -maybe- you had no idea, of cousrse I'm almost positive that a few mutual friends may have mentioned it at least in passing...

Now, for the rest of you. And yes you know who the fuck you are. Go choke on a fat one, you stupid fucking sons of a bitches that didn't give not a flying fuck. I almost fucking DIE and I don't even get a fucking VOICEMAIL, or a PHONECALL, or a fucking GET WELL CARD from you?! FUCK YOU, FUCK all of you. This will be my LAST public fucking entry because you worthless peices of SHIT don't deserve to eben begin to lay eyes on any part of me except my ASS as I walk away and leave you in the motherfucking dust.

And you want to know what is fucking sad?! DO YOU. That JOHN. JOHN of all motherfucking people was there for me once he found out. JOHN!!!! the biggest fucking looser peice of shit in the entire world. who is not only a looser, but also fucking homeless and jobless and dosen't even have two motherfucking pennies to rub together was fucking there for me. You should ALL be ashamed of yourselves and I hope you all contract some disgusting disease and rot to nothing as you lay in fucking AGONY.

You have NO idea how much I hate all of you. And if you don't see an entry by next week, then if I show up at midnight don't even LOOK at me or I will punch your lights out....

Fuck you all and have a miserable, empty life ^.^

Pft....

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 20:11:38 GMT

I don't even Know nwhy I bother... I guess from now on since I can't stop bitching about things that I'll just make my journal private.. so that I don't take up anyones friends list...

Not that anyone has time for me anymore.. now that i'm "always depressed and angry" now..

well you know what, fuck it, and fuck anyone who dosen't like it, and for all those people that I though were my friends (no this has nothing to do with Huskie, even though everyone keeps telling me that it does.. I think I know who i'm talking about, it is my fucking brain you know!) you can all kiss my fucking ass. I hope you burn in the rotten pile of garbage that your pathetic lives have become.. oh yeah... amd Cissy, I hope that Charlie gives you the gonorrhea that he picked up from the cheap whore when we were at the club last week. And Jackson, if you step one fucking foot into my house I will gut you like a pig and shove your large intestine down your throat, rip out your heart and shove it up your ass..

And don't try that "i'm really gonna leave this time" shit, because you know what, I don't need friends like you, and if you wanna whine about how you hate me, and I'm a bitch and all that other shit, good , go ahead, do it and fucking leave, just go to hell and make my life a lot fucking easier, that way I don't have to take care of your fucking kid AND mine. See if your fucking sister will give you the last few dollars out of her pocket like I do for you. Get a fucking job you loser. And Yeah, I might not have one but you know what? I'm still not fucking begging. At least i can hold my own.

So you all know what, i'm signing off, suck my dick, kiss my ass, and anything else I forgot... feel free to add anything you like, as long as it makes you GO THE FUCK AWAY!!!!

Kind of sad...

Mon, 22 May 2006 20:29:21 GMT

I dunno, its stupid really, I mean other people have lives..

But ya know.. I don't have many friends, and when it seems like I might loose, or may have lost a friend it really gets to me...

I mean, Huskie and I never really talked to much, only called each other like... twice maybe, but she was the only person that I could consider somewhat of a friend that lived close to me, or way fucking closer than anyone else I know anyway...

I guess I just tried to be to objective about it... it sucks when you're so desperate fo something that you just.. cling to it even though it dosen't really exist... so blind... so very..very.. blind.. and deaf... oh yeah.. and stupid.

Oh well, I have issues... duh... time to get over them and... say...

I GET TO GO TO OZZFEST AND SEE DRAGONFORCE!!!!!!!!!! *squeal* *scream* *die*

yes, I'm sad, yes I'm lonely, yes I need to put myself out there more and make friends.. but you know what.. going to Ozzfest with my own self is good enough...

Of course I'll be sad before... and afterward and wish I had had someone to share it with... like right now.. but you know what, I already know that once I get there I won't give a flying fuck who the hell likes me!!! (sorry guys i still love you !!!)

No other news really.. got to go out this weekend and see everyone with their SO's.... it sucked.. I got sad and stayed outside with the bouncers all night, even though thats what I usually do, but I mean.. I basically spent 20 minutes all together down in the acctual club, and I was there from 9:30 until 3am...

But anyway... I'm going to go because i dont want to get you guys down anymore... so I'm just going to sulk around on the net for awhile.. and then I'm going home... ciao...

blah!

Wed, 03 May 2006 16:02:26 GMT

So silly today... and my teacher hasn't been in all this week, so they mailed out my checks. God knows when I'll get them back.. I have no idea.. but hopefully I will soon, and them I will call you Kity. But right now I don't know when. oh Yeah, Konstantinos, call me back about that job, I still want it. I haven't talked to Dami yet but hopefully I will be able to this week.

Love you guys!!! BYE!

My first Exam

Mon, 01 May 2006 14:45:57 GMT

Well, as most of you may or may not know. I enrolled myself back into school. And today I submitted my first exam... and I got a 100% *bubbles with ooey-gooey pride* Yay me...

school where you don't have to see or talk to people is so great.... yay for home courses... they RAWK!!!!

anyway... I came to my job program today and guess what?.... the teacher isn't even here. So that means that I have to do independant job search again today. which sucks, but it also means that I don't have to come back until Wednsday. The ony thing that I'm dissapointed about is that I can't get my check today.

Usually we make ten bucks a day and they hold over your first check just like a job, so technically you're getting paid a week behind, and since I only had one makeup day last week I would have only been getting 10 bucks. But come to find out... my first week of class, I never signed my paper to release my check, which means not only do I get my check from easter week, but I also get he whole $50 from the first week. ^.^ Plus I got my other check today, which means that after I pay my phone bill I would still have had a good $2-something.

But its alright.. I'll figure out something...

AND!!!! I am ANGRY! I dropped my fucking cell in the TOILET!!!! while I was changing at the club :(

But its ok, I bullshitted my ass off and I don't have to pay a blind penny... but its still the point of having to transfer service over to my old cell until I get a new one... blah...

anyway.. I don't know what else to say... so I am going to flost around the net.. maybe get on a messenger or something... yeah.. ^.^ CIAO

Job Program

Fri, 07 Apr 2006 16:58:10 GMT

Been going to this job prgram for the past two weeks. This week I'm pissed because I was supposed to get my check but now all of a sudden they don't have them. So now I have to wait until Monday. But the problem is is that I have no way to get back home.

Apparently my mother decided to use my pass to get to work and didn't tell me. So I got stuck in the fucking METRO, this morning because I didn't have enough money to get out. I got to the stop on time but then I was in there for almost an hour and by then I was horribly late for my class, I finally found someone with a cell phone who works underground and tried to call my case worker so that he could tell my teacher that I would be late, but he told me that he didn't have time.

So, I finally got out of the METRO, an hour late, not knowing wether or not she was going to let me into class today, and ended up having a nervous breakdown and crying and sobbing infront of my teacher.

I've been so stressed.. with the program, and school, and running around after my son. Having to get up at 5:30 - 6:00 every morning... not getting to sleep until well after 1, sometimes even 2....

But I'm determined not to quit... yes.. yes I am, so now I have to call my sister or someone and ask them if they can come pick me up, or come bring me a little bit of money so that I can get home. And, I know already that noone will come and do it for me... so I'm going to end up having to walk home from all the way downtown...

I said something to my teacher and she was like "Its not that far."... so you know what I told her?.. "Good, then since its not that far, you can walk to my house and get some money from there and then walk back and give it to me so that I can catch the train home....

Anyway, time to make some calls... I will be back online on Monday, and probly every afternoon next week, because I like to get on after class and try to keep up with everything. No New pictures yet, I tried to upload a video of the baby, but this computer dosen't support the file so I didn't do it.

Anyway.. my blurb for today... going to search for some pictures now. C-ya!

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 18:03:27 GMT

http://www.myspace.com/Exodia_BlackPaw

looks like puke right now, but maybe when I get my new glasses and have a little free time it'll start to look decent... yeah right... free time... anyway ya'll haven't looked at my pics yet :( and I was so happy to finally have some *cries* TELL ME I'M PRETTY!!!!!!!!!!

heehee.. andway enough fpr the poopy saddness. I am free for now.. free from child and free from that bitch that poses as my mother .... but once again this is a very short entry.. lots of stuff happened .. no time to tell about it. blah... I AM going out Saturday night even if I have to cut off a finger and go to the HOSPITAL, at least it will be somewhere.... preferably Midnight though... it realy is a lots more fun than sitting in the ER with 9 fingers and an oozing stump.... maybe...

Just Kidding ^.^ so hopefully you all will see me out there... and maybe I wont fall asleep at a table in a corner somewhere.. and maybe I will have fun... but none of that matters... because even if I do or don't do all those things.... I w i l l b e f r e e

so.. bye bye now!! love you all, LOOK AT MY PICS AND TELL ME I'M PRETTY!!!!!!!!

and I will try and get back to a computer either before or on Wednsday... I won't be blind wednsday... glasses come back from lab... yay...

PICTURES!

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 21:39:17 GMT

Well, finally I have some pics of me and one of the baby. Hopefully I'll get more soon. Anyway, enjoy.
I will try and be on sometime this week. Even if I don't update I will check my e-mail. I think i'm going to start a MySpace account too. If I do I will come back and post the address and add it to my navigation bar ^.^ Love you all, talk to you later.

Ziddy you still haven't called me :( poo..
Love you though bye bye

Me
Me
Tristan
My sis Jenn
Freckles!!
My baby Hercules

Hey everyone

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 19:33:33 GMT

Just popping in after god knows how long to prove that I'm still alive.

Tristian's birthday was on the 19th, he turned 1.

Someone stole my dog :( ... but theres nothing I can do about that.. *sigh*.. anyway I don't really have time to mope here.. so I might try and log on later this week... (even though I always say that and then dissapear for the next 3 months)...

woah....

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 16:40:09 GMT

Its been a seriously busy year... I didn't even notice it go by.. Tristian will be a year old in Novenmber O.O! I've been a mommy for almost a whole year now!!

Yay, me. Still jobless and broke though :( *cry*

No one will hire me... it really sucks, but enough of that... once again this is only a temporary thing, me being on the comp and all. I'm supposed to be getting an eye exam and new glasses today but they canceld my appointment so I won't be going until the 23 of September. So instead of going home I decided to spend the time catching up on my journal and restarting my e-mail..

I really should go down to my sister's job and use her computers, because I can take the baby and have hours of free comp time while everyone ooohs and ahhh's and shits themselves with glee.

And no I still don't have pictures of the baby but I do know that his godfather does and if I can find the link to his site I'll see it he has any up.

Everyone has pictures of my child but me!!!!! WTF >.<

Anyway... thats all there really is to say... since I don't do much anymore, or get out as much...... hmm.. I wonder if anyone wished me a happy birthday? or did you all forget?!... eh, its ok though, I didn't have that ghreat of a birthday anyway since it was 4th of July weekend and everyone thats usually at the club was either at home or on vacation... and all that was there was a bunch of stinky irritating new people....

New people make me want to kill...kiilll....

John comes home Monday... not all that enthusiastic... to many other things blowing my mood lately.

anyway.. [/babyupdate] So.. Tristian is almost a year old.. he's sitting up, crawling, babbling and pulling himself up in his crib.. yeah.. I have my hands full already because I have no playpen.. and I don't even have to run after him yet >.<[/babyupdate]

PIT IS BACK!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!! He called me at like 2 in the fucking morning last night. So he's coming over monday to see the baby, even though I'd like it if he came over before John got there, just because.. John is very..loud.. and I'm very.. not... and we have completely different ways of being happy that Pit is back... plus.. pit ish a Wolfy too.. so.. just... I don't even know how to describe it... to explain really .. just quiet time.. time to re-adjust to each other again. But no.. John is a dragon, and he wan't to come home in a blaze of flames, with much jumping and squeeing and hugging and noisiness... x.o ... I'm to tired for noise now..

But, I am happy that he's coming home, and Pit really made my horrible, disgusting depressing day so much better yesterday.... but yeah, I'm going to go look for those pictures now, if I find them of course I'll post them.

Ok, well, I won't do the usual...

Sat, 11 Jun 2005 19:46:55 GMT

This time I'll save you the "HEY, I'M NOT DEAD"....oops..

Well obviously I'm not.. or I would'nt be typing this entry.. lots of stuff has happened... I don't feel like writing about it.. and oh yeah, KITTY... speak of the devil, as soon as I said I thought my aunt was going to die... she died o.O the next day after I called you...

Kind of freaked me out...

Not going to Midnight... my mom is working till almost 2am tonight. In a little while I'm going to head over to Jennifers and make her go up to Capital Tattoo with me... stabby stabby... YAY!!!!!

Maybe someone with a digital camera and the internet will love me and take pictures, BTW, KItty, when I call you next I need your address, send you cute things yes..

Anyway..its almost 4pm, so if I'm going anywhere I need to go soon.

Blah.. Sean I need to call you, but I'll wait since you're going to Midnight tonight.. or maybe If I'm out late enough I'll stop by and pay the nice people a visit...

went to the doctor Thursday for severe sleep deprevation and depression.... she gave me fucking allergy medicine.. I mean don't get me wrong, I need it, badly. Between the cat, the grass the trees, the dust , the mold, ect. I'm usually in a state of complete nasal/in general cranial misery... but honestly.. allergy medicine? I didn't even mention my allergies... *sad wolfy...clear headed.. but sad..*

'Kay well, i'm gone now, and I'll try and get out and online more often,, (just like I always say I will >.<....)

OOOHH! BTW I finally found my Poetry notebook. *dies of happiness*... yesssssssss *orgasm*..

OK.. i'm really gone now.

P.S. I'll fix my message thing... eventually

Hey Everybody

Sun, 27 Mar 2005 21:42:54 GMT

Just checking in to let everyone know tha I'm still alive. Sorry I couldn't make it to Midnight last night. I over slept. Anyway *sighs* I'm so fucking stressed I don't know what to do with myself. John's last day at the house is the end of this month and I don't know what to do because he hasn't had time to work or anything. His ID -just- came in...

Oh well.. I have to go anyway, nosey people...

be back soon hopefully...

Tue, 01 Feb 2005 16:38:03 GMT

baby was born on November 11th, 7lbs, baby boy. update either later or tommorrow... osry guys.. i've been so busy I have no idea what to do with myself >.

Sat, 13 Nov 2004 21:58:38 GMT

So fucking -tired-...

Woke up about 9 this morning when my grandmother came in from work. Sat around and did absolutely nothing (besides having my lil cousin get on my nerves) until about 11:3o or so.

Went with my grandmother so she could get a new coat.. [sarcasm]YE HAWW!!![/sarcasm] got a little something for myself that probably only one person besides my mom and sister will ever see and then!!

Then I finally went and got my fucking glasses fixed! Yes, FIXED!!!! No more getting caught on my clothes, no more stabbing myself in the fingers, no more lens popping out at random moments/when I clean them, No more gouging the hell out of John everytime I come near him...poor baby.. he's got quite a few permanent marks on his face from that x.X...

But other than all of that, all i'm doing right now is lounging ifront of the computer, getting the shit kicked out of my insides and feeling absolutely exhausted.

Taking a nap will have to wait however, because its late, and dinner will be ready within the next 45 minutes or so..

oh..no..wait.. nausea... apparently baby is hungry.. x.X.. death to smoochie..

I -will- lay down after dinner this time though, because I can feel the twinges of a migrane coming on, and I don't want to push my luck. I've been mostly migrane free for the past few weeks, and the hell if I'll let them start up right now. Not to mention being sick to my stomach will only make it worse, and vice versa.

So.. for the most part right now I am a happy wolfie.. if not a lil frisky... yet there is noone to pounce.. therefore I'll just have to grin and bear it :(

rawr..been a month.. need to molest something!!!!!!

BTW, that -something- needs to call me. Yes he does...

but my uncles home, so I've gotta jet. Should be back later maybe. might get an entry in before I leave tomorrow.

Sat, 13 Nov 2004 16:00:12 GMT

Werewolves of folklore differ greatly from modern
renditions seen in movies and shows. People
believed there were many ways to become
werewolves, such as drinking rainwater
collected in a wolf's pawprint, eating meat
gnawed on by a wolf, or being born with a full
set of teeth or covered in a caul. And unlike
movie werewolves, werewolves of old were
oftentimes harmless and highly honorable!

As a werewolf, you are loyal, strong and honorable,
and you will protect all you hold dear with
your very life. Although you are not a violent
individual at heart, you will fight for what
you believe in. You are a good friend and truly
are a wonderful person to be around.

Who is your inner Shapeshifter?
brought to you by Quizilla

No...really.. ya think?....

blah..other then that my little cousin is pissed at me because I gave him a good whack.

Do not test my nerves so early in the day...

Fri, 12 Nov 2004 19:19:28 GMT

I am a sleepy wolfie.. oh yes I am..

Got a few new clothes, mostly drawstring pants and a few zip up fleece. MMM.. comfy and soft and stuff. And hopefully my grandmother will give me a little cash before I leave, so that I can get my BOOTS! Yesssss... my boots, and have carfare and whatnot without having to ask my mom.

Tomorrow I will most likely (FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!) be going to get my glasses fixed.. and replace the pair of uber comfy tennis shoes that mysteriously dissapeared on me when I left them here last December...

Honestly.. I have no idea where they could have gone. If theres one thing I love about my grandmother, its the fact that she never moves my stuff, and if she does, she either shifts it from one side to the other, or puts it directly into my room. But.. this is a real mystery because my favorite bag is still here, right where I put it next to the desk, completely undisturbed, yet.. the shoes that were under it are not x.X..

WTF?....

Found my copy of the KoRn untouchables CD that I'd forgotten I had. And it makes me regret that I didn't buy doubles of all of them.. then maybe I'd not feel so empty inside all the time now, when I stare at the empty cases, longing for something to listen to when I'm upset.

It made me happy... much happier than I've been in so long..*sigh*

Now I remember why I loved my cds so much... I feel like some huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Granted its through someone elses version of poetry and not my own, but hey, I say if it works, then its good.

Speaking of poetry, I have yet to find my damn notebook. I really miss it :(, I'm going to go look down on the desk in the kitchen for it later. And maybe see if I can fit in a nap before my little cousin comes over. Because of course "I am the all mighty, most coolest person in the world and -must- be loved to peices every second of the day/night/impending forever"

*grins* now if only everyone (*coughmothercough*) felt that way, I'd be set.

*stifles a jaw cracking yawn* I really don't know why i'm so sleepy, I've only been awake for about.. oh say 2 1/2 hours..

haha.. lazy wolfie I be.

And.. now I'm just rambling because I have nothing to say.. nothing at all x.X.. oh well, at least I tried.

Sorry I won't be out tonight, but maybe I'll make it next weekend.

If you decide to call me however, I will be at my grandparents until sometime early Sunday. And Monday I won't be home until at least after 1 o'clock because I have another check-up. (*waves hands in the air* "hey, hey you. JOHN *points* see that, don't forget, 9:30"...just a reminder :P. Oh yeah, and I need to talk to you too, but its not all that important, so it can wait awhile.)

anyway, I'm out for now, i'll try to squeeze in another entry before Sunday, no promises though, little cousins are just so full of love..

Hmm.. I think i'll skip that nap.. i'd much rather go out and track game. *wiggles* I haven't had a chance to get into a good strip of woods for a long time, and despite the fact that its wet and gloomy and cold outside, it only makes for more of a challenge.

The city is not a good place for a Therian.. stalking dark alleys and wasted bums just dosen't give me that same warm fuzzy feeling. And the bigger the challenge.. the more content I'll be.

Thu, 11 Nov 2004 20:04:34 GMT

Feeling a little better that I have in a long time..

Mark has been online two days in a row, but I've yet to be able to get ahold of him. Blah, typical Mark..

I can't believe I've known him for almost six or seven years now x.X.. sheesh.. its kind of mind boggling, yanno? Maybe before I leave my grandparents house I'll be able to catch him and talk to him, since I haven't in almost a year this time.

Muahaha... funny... how soul mates aren't always your mate..

"Heavens not enough, if when i'm there, I don't remember you..."

Tue, 09 Nov 2004 21:29:54 GMT

SO.. i'm back from reading things.. and once again I don't know why the hell I bothered.. only 2 e-mails.. and those were the LJ replies.. and one was from just earlier today.. yes I will call you..if I have my cell phone on me, because thats where the # is..

anyway.. Thursday.. so perfect.. up until almost closing time at Alchemy.. then of course because i'd had the first good day in how ever the fuck long.. everything had to turn into one huge god damn drama fuck-fest. Which ended in my being pissed all the way home, and ended up bursting into tears before I went to bed...

Fucking great...

Friday morning John called me.. and I told him that we needed to get together because there were some important things that I needed to discuss with him. And I told him I wanted him down in DC preferably -before- Sunday. He said he'd try..

All day Saturday... no call.. yeah OK motherfucker.. so of course I was in a rotten mood.. and by 3pm all I could think about was ripping his head off of his shouldera and finally discovering WTF is in there that makes him so god damned STUPID sometimes... Goddess knows I love him with all of my heart but he is one fucked up puppy..

So.. 7:oo rolls around.. and I start getting ready to go to Midnight, hang out for awhile and relax.. and on a whim I invite my mom for the millionth time. And she acctually said yes ^.^ so I got to drag my mommy out to the club to go party with the freaks!! yay.

Get there.. introduce my mom to all my friends that were already there and what not.. and.. end up pissed at Sean because of Thursday.. because just like Sixx apparently Sean saw everything and blah blah blah and what the fuck ever. *holds up a hand* I don't want to fucking hear it.. I really don't. Its fucking over and done with and my Thursday night after-plans were ruined.. poor fucking me..

Anyway, because of Thursday John wasn't , nor will he be again, at Midnight.. ..Had fun.. danced talked, handled business for John that he -should- have been able to handle had not Sixx lost his cotton picking mind for whatever reason..

Mom and I got home around 3AM, she said she'd had a blast. But unfortunately she won't be able to come back for awhile, because of work and stuff :(

I personally slept like shit that night, and when I finally did fall asleep it was only for an hour..

All day that day.. no call from John.. fucking dick..then he finally does decide to fucking call me and of course I gave him a peice of my huge pissed mind to sit on and spin, called him a dick and hung up on him...

Then, Monday -just- before I'm about to leave for my grandparents house he calls me up and is like 'Mary, me and sparrow are coming down to see you.. like NOW" and i'm.. like "you've got a fucking hour, and if you're not here then I won't be because you know I leave today"

So.. he ended up meeting me at the train station near my hopuse and all three of us came down to New Carollton so my grandmother could come pick me up. We hung out for awhile..

On the way down Sparrow fell asleep on the train, so I had a chance to kind of dance around the subject of what I wanted to talk with John about.. like how he needs to get some of his shit together before the baby is born and what not. But I didn't want to get myself into it to deeply because it was only a one hour train ride and if I'd gotten into it as pissed as I was it would've ended up being yet another fight and nothing would've been acheived by it.

anyway.. it feels nice to be at my grandparents house again.. and be able to fucking relax for once.. yeah... so.. i'll be here until Sunday.. then I have an appointment monday morning at 9:3o am x.X...

No Alchemy or Midnight for me this week.. but you know.. I honestly don't fucking care... (no offense Scott :P )

i guess thats all I have to bitch about for now.. but I'm sure I'll think of something else later...

\\firsts
first best friend/s : Konstantinos & Damien
first job = for my sister @ a law firm
first screen name = lilsis52
first self purchased cd = KoRn ~ Issues
first funeral = my grandmother.. old hag that she was -.-
first piercing/tattoo = ears
first enemy = packmember.. FateWolf.. yeah.. rest in peices.. stupid bitch..
first big trip = New York when I was 3

\\lasts
last long car ride = can't remember
last good cry = I haven't had a good cry in awhile.. I think its due time.. I'm starting to feel weighted down..
last library book checked out = umm.. i buy all my books..
last beverage drank = Clear Fruit Blackberry Burst
last food consumed = Chicken Parmesean over spagetti @ the Three Brothers down in Greenbelt
last phone call = John
last time showered = yesterday afternoon
last shoes worn = slippers
last song played = Jessica's Fling ~ My demon in waiting
last annoyance = John saying he'd be here -Saturday- and not showing up till Monday
last time you had sex = x.X too fucking long.. want.. humpy..

\\describe your
wallet = temporary, ugly and pink..
underwear = ??? what underwear?.. they make my itchy
tattoos = none yet
room = junky
boyfriend = confused
parents = mom.. ok sometimes usually a bitch.. my dad?.....worthless..

\\this or that
[boxers or briefs] = boxers
[plaid or striped] = plaid
[salt or pepper] = pepper
[okay, ok, or o.k.] = ok
[bright colors or dark colors] = dark
[tic-tacs or certs] = tic tacs
[sunshine or rain] = rain
[rain or snow] = RAIN
[sun or moon] = moon
[silver or gold] = silver
[silk, cotton, or flannel sheets] = flannel
[preps or freaks] = freaks
[popcorn-with or w/out butter] = without.. nasty liquid heart attack..
[ketchup, mayo, mustard, or relish] = mayo
[shampoo + conditioner in one or separate] = in one

\\if you were ____ what would it be?
an animal = Wolf ^.~
a fruit = uhh...
a vegetable = o.O
a color = Purple
a bug = spider

\\short answer
are you smart? = most of the time
do you like onions? = yes
what instruments can you play? = i suck.. but I convince myself that I'm semi-good with my guitar
what words do you overuse? = lots of cuss words
do you sleep with socks on? = yes because i'm fucking anemic and shit gets cold
are you ticklish? = no
are you shy? = very
do you talk to yourself? = all the time
do you have a basement or an attic? = basement
did you go to preschool? = yes
are you a morning person? = hahahahaha!!!!

\\who was the last person
you touched?: John..
you talked to?: my grandmother
you hugged?: John
you instant messaged?: to long ago, don't remember
you kissed?: John
you yelled at?: John
you thought about?: me
who text messaged you?: no one.
who broke your heart?: Too Many PEOPLE...
who told you they loved you?: John

\\number
# of drugs taken illegally:
two: Marijuanna and Alcohol
# of people I could trust with my life= Konstantinos, Mark (old friend), Damien & Draven
# of pets you have, kind, name, age: 1 Black Lab, Lady Candle Lee Morton (Candle for short), 13 years old last october
# of scars on my body:covered in them, mostly on my arms though
# of things in my past that i regret: honestly... not very many, and not the ones that you'd think..

haha...ha...fuck you..

Ok...

Tue, 09 Nov 2004 20:12:45 GMT

So...my last entry wasnt all that umm.. happy...

but then again none of them really are. and, this one probably wont be either. But I'm not going to finish it until I catch up on my friends page and all my e-mails and LJ replies, since i've been away for quite sometime now..

I shall return in.. a bit x.X so much backed up junk..

...

Thu, 21 Oct 2004 17:05:34 GMT

I am so done...

*NO ONE*

No one possibly could understand.
No one was around me,
When my life flashed before me,
when my knife began to slip.
I slowly lost my grip.
I didn’t move, I sat there, and
watched the blood...
Drip, Drip, Drip. Slowly gushing
out of my arms, and wrists..
I was lying in corner of my room,
with a knife in my hand, lying in
a puddle of blood.

sigh...

Tue, 12 Oct 2004 18:41:28 GMT

I tried to write an entry yesterday, but of course LJ ate it and errored and then made my computer go into horrible horrible seizures.. so right now I'm not in the best of moods.. ok..well.. maybe I am.. just not about that.

Nothing really going on, except that I am -not- currently at my graandparents house because my father is a giant asshole who wont talk to me or call me, no matter how urgent of a fucking message I leave on his phone... ugh, what a jackass...

On the other hand, i'm feeling pretty good, even though I really do need to go home and get my vitamins, but as long as I keep up my nutrition and whatnot I'll be just fine until I can get back....

You know... it really sucks to be me.. I hate my life and I want to die. I have absolutely nothing worth living for and eveyone who makes my life a living hell can go fuck themselves. I don't like not being appreciated... and soon enough, some certain person is going to find out just what happens when someone denies me what I want.. be it material or not...

Just thought I'd let you all know that, nothing serious, but I just thought I would.

*cheery smile reappears from out of nowhere*

Anywho.. I think I'm going to try and find something to eat or whatever.

Might be back online later.

Tue, 21 Sep 2004 21:33:45 GMT

lalala.. just stopping in randomly. I will probably be at my grandparents house sometime this week because I need a whole shitload of stuff and I haven't been there in goddess knows how long. SO! I will post again most likely when I get there and stuff, and I'll be on my MSN then too.

BTW for those of you who have been trying to e-mail me, My e-mail addy got squished, but I fixed it now. So its all good.

Anyway, i'm almost out of time, so I guess I'll just go find something random to do for the rest of the day.

ciao.

[p.s.: SongBreezewolfen@hotmail.com]

BTW!!! Ame HAHA I got to see Crushadows live -again- *giggles* sorry you couldn't be here hun, it would've been great!

*loves and poofs*

Hey....

Tue, 13 Jul 2004 22:50:29 GMT

Hey everyone, I'm sorry I havent been around all that much...ok.. so I haven't been around at all. But its not really my fault. I haven't had a chance to go to my grandparents house in so long its not funny.

So much stuff has happened since the last time I put an entry in here. And even though its been ... I think months, I still haven't been able to sort it all in my brain enough to be able to type it all out.

There are lots of people I need to get in contact with again.

But anyone who wants to call me now can do so at leisure because I have a cellphone.

(202) 431 - 2979

and of course my home number is still (202) 234 - 3089

*sighs* I need my friends... and I need some good advice.. but I just don't want to do it through e-mails and such. Speacking of which, sorry to anyone who had been trying to get ahold of me through my godisdead.com account... apparently while I was gone the site decided to go down the drain, or get hacked or something. So I don't know how long it will be before I renew that account.. if ever.. but until then my songbreezewolfen@hotmail.com still works. Even though it was over crowded for awhile.. I'll try and make sure that dosen't happen now, since its the only one I have left.

Anyways, I guess I should go, because I'm at my friend Frenchie's place and we have company and stuff. So maybe I'll be on tomorrow.

Fri, 28 May 2004 03:52:35 GMT

Scratch that!!!!

I got my glasses today.

********Exodia********(some assembly required)**Sanity Not Included**